Crib or No Crib? Looking at Family Sleeping Arrangements
By Angelique Millette PhDc, CLE T
Last month I wrote about the dilemmas parents may face when they choose the family bed. This month, I want to address the dilemmas that may come up for parents when choosing the crib as the primary sleeping arrangement for their baby or toddler. Whether you choose family bed or the crib, it’s important to remember that there isn’t a “perfect” sleep arrangement or a “perfect” sleep method. The sleeping arrangement that is “right” for a family is the one that meets the family “where they are at” and addresses their specific needs for sleeping, bonding, feeding baby, feeling rested enough to go to work the next morning or to care for older siblings, and supports their parenting philosophy. And the list goes on because parents (and their babies and toddlers too!) have any number of needs that a specific sleep arrangement meets. Solving family sleep issues is not always simple and the best sleep advice considers “all of the pieces of the puzzle” to help families to build a sleep plan or “sleep vision” that is best for them. The following are a few scenarios, some specific to periods in your babies or toddlers development, and some based on parents and families needs for closeness, that may shed some light on why the crib may not always be a great choice for family sleep and why sleep arrangements in general may be so family and developmentally specific.
Biological Reasons for Sleeping Close to Babies
When I was researching the multiple ways that families in the US get their sleep needs met, I was surprised to find out that up to 70% of families in the US will co-sleep at some point in their child’s first three-years, often for short periods of time such as illness or travel, or for longer periods such as a baby’s growth spurt or a child’s developmental phase. The most common time for families to co-sleep is the period of time right after your baby is born, the “newborn stage.” However, many popular sleep books advise parents against co-sleeping recommending that parents need to train a baby to sleep alone in the crib apart from parents otherwise baby will never be able to sleep independently. This advice is now being debunked by important pediatric sleep research showing us that babies have a biological imperative to sleep close to their caregivers. A newborn baby’s still developing breathing system may be regulated by parents sleeping in close proximity to baby. Babies learn how to sleep safely by sleeping and learning how to sleep from their parents. The sounds, parents breathing, parents rolling over in their sleep, may help babies to sleep more safely, in effect, helping babies learn how to sleep. The research is important enough that even the American Academy of Pediatrics is recommending that parents room-share with their babies in the first six months. While the AAP won’t recommend bed-sharing, they are advising that parents place babies in close proximity to them at night, such as a co-sleeper, so that babies are getting this important “sleep learning” from parents. As more research shows the multiple ways that babies and parents get their needs met when sleeping in close proximity, parents will feel more supported and encouraged to choose sleep arrangements that not only support their child’s biological needs but also support parents wishes to be close to their baby at night, checking on their baby and responding as needing with feeding or soothing back to sleep.
Developmental Reasons for Sleeping Close to Toddlers
Recent research shows that the most common sleep arrangement in the US is a “hybrid sleep arrangement,” a combo of crib sleeping for part of the night and bed-sharing or room-sharing for part of the night. While the newborn stage is the most common time that parents will choose bed-sharing or room-sharing over crib-sleeping, the second most common time that the crib may be a tough choice for parents (and toddlers!) is the time when your child is between 18-36 months of age. Due to big developmental changes that begin around the time a toddler is 18 months of age, your toddler may no longer be happy about being separated from you at night. The period of development is largely focused on your toddler learning new words and wanting to communicate. It also happens to be the most common time for a toddler to climb out of the crib during the night as your toddler tries to find their way to where you are at night. If your toddler has climbed out and fallen out of the crib at night, parents may not feel comfortable using a crib tent and may need to be responsive to their child during this time. Because parents are concerned about how to respond and afraid that by responding they may “mess up” sleep habits that are largely focused on their child sleeping alone in the crib, parents and toddles may lose even more sleep during this period of time. Since so much of infant and toddler sleep is “fluid in nature” and your child’s sleep may regress due to these normal developmental changes, the crib may not work as well during this period of development and your toddler may need of your presence to feel secure. Parents may need to spend time responding to their child at night sometimes even bed-sharing or room-sharing with their child at this time in order to get help your child through the developmental regression. Once the phase has passed, parents can choose to continue the hybrid-type sleep arrangements.
Maternal Health Reasons for Sleeping Close to Babies
When babies aren’t sleeping, parents aren’t sleeping either and the research shows that mothers may lose up to 700 hours of sleep in the first year of their baby’s life (research is still needed that looks at how much sleep fathers lose too!). When mothers aren’t getting the sleep they need, they are more likely to have postpartum depression, anxiety as well as insomnia. Several recent and important studies are finding that it is bed-sharing mothers who may benefit from the shared sleeping arrangements in that they are more able to quickly respond to their babies waking and resettling needs at night. In fact, if baby is sleeping close by, bed-sharing and room-sharing parents spend less time awake at night and baby is less likely to get upset and require more time to soothe and resettle back to sleep. When babies sleep in another room, parents may spend more time awake, time spent walking to baby’s room, soothing baby while seated in a chair or rocker in babies room, and staying awake and upright to feed baby. If keeping a baby close by can lead to more sleeping for baby and parent’s, it makes sense that it may be one of the many important reasons why family health practitioners provide safe sleeping guidelines that include keeping baby close to parents to maximize sleep for the family. Breastfeeding advocates also find that keeping baby close by at night can also help to establish a good milk supply early on since baby will feed more frequently at the breast. Mothers have many choices to make early on about how to get their needs met while meeting their baby’s needs and one clear choice for helping mothers to get the sleep they need at night, especially when breastfeeding, may include keeping baby close by.
Parents Reasons for not Choosing Crib Sleeping
It has been mistakenly believed that co-sleeping leads to problems with a child developing independence and self-reliance. Parents have often been discouraged from co-sleeping because it may hinder their infant’s self-soothing skills becoming too reliant on parents for sleep. A strong emphasis has been put on newborns sleeping alone and independently as a way to foster self-soothing and sleeping. But, it’s not just babies who may need to sleep close to parents. Working parents may opt for bed-sharing or room-sharing with their baby or toddler over more independent crib-sleeping in a nursery away from parents because working parents may see nighttime as a time for bonding with their child. Since working parents may spend more daytime hours away from their little one, nighttime nurturing and responding fills the gap in what parents perceive as missed time with their child during the day. The closeness and cuddling that parents and their children get at night can make for the missed time apart during the day. Parents of several children may choose bed-sharing as a way to have more one-on-one time with their child and may even switch beds at night, sleeping with one child for part of the night and the other child for the other part of the night. Parents have a need to be close to their young one’s and bed-sharing and room-sharing sleep arrangements provide parents with greater nighttime closeness. The most common reason parents give for not using the crib for their baby or toddler has everything to do with how quickly the time passes from infancy to childhood and the adage that “they [babies] are only little one.” Like the first steps that your baby will take, family sleep and sleeping close to your little one at night are moments not to be missed.
Because family sleep is anything but simple, so too are the reasons why families may choose any number of sleep arrangements to get the sleep they need. Ultimately, sleep arrangements and sleep methods work best for families when they match parenting philosophy and take into account infant and child development, maternal (and paternal) health such as postpartum depression and degree of sleep deprivation, and support the biological needs of babies and young children.
Wishing you and your family peaceful sleeping! Angelique
Angelique Millette (PhDc, CLE, PCD/CD [DONA]) To find out more about Angelique Millette please check out www.angeliquemillette.com.